"Yeah, I wanna be a lot perverted."

"I, my friend, am now part of the green revolution."

"Well, does that "vehicle" have "Insane Mode"? One press of a button and I go zero to 60 in 3.2..."

"And you know what happens when I get drunk, Jeff? I get so sincere. It's really awkward. Fuck you, Jeff. Oh, um, can you drive?"

"What did you say?"

"Holy shit."

"I have not. Mm, well, Richard, keep an eye out for it, will ya? Hey, Gilfoyle, you wanna come inside and help me get a new flash drive on www.staples.com?"

"Okay, fine. Well, whatever you did or didn't do, that was serial-killer-level shit."

"On the off chance that this is an actual real woman, getting murdered seems like an acceptable risk."

"Fucking ninja."

"It's so that I seem like I'm an out-and-about kind of person. I put that in the signature and then in the body, I'll write fun stuff, like, "I'm at the opening of a secret restaurant." Or, "I'm watching 'Jaws' at the pool of an old hotel." You know, keep it fun, vague, mysterious."

"Jaden, age five. I got it from his Montessori school website. He's not online, he's never gonna find out."

"How does he even do that?"

"Richard, there is a major emergency. Gilfoyle is using the barista as one of the coders, so I tried to use the cappuccino machine on my own, and I don't know if, like, the frother knob is, like, jammed or something, but it's, like, not working. So, there is no froth, at all, for anybody. So, can you get on that?"

"Why should it be? America loves Christians. Muslims are the enemy."

"Sadly?"

"Hey, Gilfoyle, you wanna come inside and help me get a new flash drive on www.staples.com?"

"Great."

"No shit."

"Look at this. There are 157 people using it near Gleb. And 400 people using it near Tara in Boston."

"I did sex on her."

"That guy humiliating you was not good for the company. He dominated you like a silverback gorilla. Do you know why the gorillas respected Jane Goodall?"

"Wrong! It's because she could kick their ass, and they knew it."

"It's just this, then it repeats itself. You just kind of breathe and subconsciously absorb it."

"No. Look how shiny it is. Plus, it has a frunk... A front trunk."

"Oh, it's unreal."

"You know what else would be a shame is if I couldn't find my flash drive. Gilfoyle, have you seen my flash drive?"

"Why yes, the zombie script that randomizes user action in platforms such as Pied Piper."

"Oh, I suppose. I mean, especially during due diligence, like the kind done by VCs or possible future reviews done by certain regulatory bodies. It also had photos of my auntie. Anyway, Gilfoyle, have you seen it?"

"She knows 400 Satanists in Boston?"

"This is weird."

"Gavin, you think you're the most spiteful guy in town, but you're not even the most spiteful guy in this room. The truth is I'm a bad person. How do you think we got the money for this deal? I lied to my cousin's face. He is going to lose $40 million, give or take, plus his estate in Hawaii... I hope."

"What did you do to that guy?"

"My Tesla finally came."

"There's no way Jeff is the mole. Okay? It's not Jeff. Right, Jeff? Jeff? What about Dave & Buster's, Jeff? What about that time I got a bullseye in Skee-Ball and yelled out, "Bazinga!" And you said, "Okay". You can't fake enthusiasm like that."

"Guess what, asshole. Leon told me he wanted your ticket, because he wants to go see BattleBots with me. But then he remembered he actually had plans that night with a bunch of people, doesn't know what they're doing, their plans are sort of fluid, plus, it's like friends from his old work, so it'd be weird if I hung out with them. Anyway looks like you and I are going to see BattleBots. You're going to hang out with me, and have fun, whether you like it or not."

"Almost like some of our users."

"Crimes against children Really, so easy to get away with."

"This is a video of maximizing alphaness."

"See? I told you! We're alphas! f*ck yeah! f*ck yeah. Hey, uh, don't show that video to Gilfoyle."

"Do you ever fight?"

"You just took our shit and threw it on the lawn?"

"You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when I met Jeff..."

"Jared, have you been crying?"

"Oh, "unreal" has so many meanings. "Fake," "paid for," "one person in Bangladesh pretending to be 6,000.""

"Oh, no. I don't want to know a fucking thing."

"I ordered it a month ago. But still, it's an investment."

"What?"

"I was going to take you to see BattleBots Live with me, but no longer friend. Now who looks stupid?"

"Uh, how's that relevant?"

"Look who just right-swiped me on Tinder. Karen. She's cute."

"What tension? There's tension?"