"You... are like the three musketeers of coding, except you are all d'Artagnan."

"When you set your mind to it, you're one of the most charismatic people I've ever met... and I have met Ira Glass."

"He's violently allergic to dogs. It's another reason for our iron-clad no dog policy."

"It's amazing. I mean, I feel... I feel like Mary Magdalene on resurrection day. And that's not the greatest miracle of all. Look. Look at the coders. They're all wearing Pied Piper hoodies."

"She's really smart. But not afraid to be bawdy."

"Gavin Belson started out with lofty goals too, but he just kept excusing immoral behavior just like this, until one day all that was left was a sad man with funny shoes... Disgraced, friendless, and engorged with the blood of a youthful charlatan."

"Look, cutting all ties to Deedee and FirstSight will definitely send a strong message to Colin. And it might be the only way. Like killing somebody to prove you're not a narc, or showing a john your genitals to prove you're a legitimate male prostitute and not an undercover cop."

"Because cops aren't allowed to do that. And worst case scenario, the john walks off with a free peek."

"I guess that's what happened to my lavender cheese."

"Oh. Yeah!"

"It's from Gwart. "I'm dissolving my company and taking a job elsewhere. Your employment is terminated. P.S. Those aren't my doll's gloves"."

"There was a live stream of an eagle's nest last year that went viral, and was getting millions of hits. And I don't wanna be inflammatory, but next to a condor, an eagle looks like a common cackling."

"Well, and it also kinda works as your mascot. Right? 'Cause of your name?"

"But Hooli was like an abusive spouse to me. You know, like that guy who married Julia Roberts in "Sleeping With The Enemy"? It was dehumanizing. But then, you, Richard, you pulled me out of the life and you gave me hope and you gave me a sense of self-worth. Like Richard Gere did to Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman."

"Day two of orientation. Right after safe space charades."

"Oh! Here he comes, folks. Oh, thanks. Richard Hendricks, the Monet of compressionism."

"You sacrificed... everything that we've worked for... for PoopFare? How was PoopFare... for the greater good?"

"You know who else is psyched? I'll give you a hint. They have four thumbs, and they are these two guys."

"I am giddy!"

"Well, I have marked available bathrooms along the route."

"Richard. You know that my default position is blind support of whatever you do, but this was not your best moment."

"This is fraud."

"Richard, don't weaponize my faith in you against me."

"Every day here has been like that shopping-spree scene. I'm putting on hats."

"Richard, I'd understand if you took it, but watching you end up over there would break my heart."

"I oughta knock your teeth, you bitch-made m@therfucker."

"This fall, we actually had a herpes epidemic among the residents, which is bad medically, but... from another perspective, it's kind of touching."

"People don't wanna follow an idea, they wanna follow a leader. Look at the last guy to create a new Internet. Al Gore. His ideas were excellent, but he talked like a narcoleptic plantation owner, so he lost the presidency to a fake cowboy and now he makes apocalypse porn."

"Well, to be fair, I never would've scheduled trust falls. I mean, you do one of those, you're so jacked up on adrenaline, the rest of the day is basically shot. We were gonna have a noncompetitive talent show with no losers."

"Even the dogs, apparently. I wish they had your fecal fortitude."

"When you left, I thought he was fried. Okay? Because his shoulders were all tight, and he wouldn't answer to his name, and his eyes went dead, like when I tell him I love him."

"You Judas. You cow-handed poltroon! We... we thought you were a Stallion!"

"What's with you being a rat fuck?"

"You can be openly polyamorous. And people here will call you brave. You can put micro-doses of LSD in your cereal, and and people will call you a pioneer. But the one thing you cannot be is a Christian."

"Oh, wow! That's a nice touch."

"It's wrong."

"I'm sorry, um Are you just asking what if or do you actually have this information?"

"Well, your pumpedness makes me pumped."

"Uh, return on inv..."

"I know things have been a bit antagonistic between us. We've been like, uh, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan."

"The word companion derives from the Latin word "panis" for bread, and while I can no longer digest bread, I know that you leaven my life."

"You looked at these people and you said, "I may not be an inspiring speaker. I may be twitchy, and I might be strange, and I might vomit and I might defecate in my pants and I might throw myself through a window. But I believe in this company so much, I'll work so hard, I'll literally risk my life for it.""

"I skimmed through all 40,000 of the staff's outgoing emails... and in addition to learning that we need to revise the office dating policy, because it is, essentially, the Olympic Village out there, I learned that someone has been sending a number of encrypted messages but using Gilfoyle's purloined NSA tools."

"I printed driving directions."

"Well, that's true in most of America, but not in Silicon Valley, sadly."

"Oh, I meant because it's a big head."

"Why does every home I've ever loved get stripped?"

"Yes, but for ordinary reasons."

"I never saw it."

"They just kept saying if I didn't waste so much money at the butthole doctor, then we'd have enough money, but I pay for all my medical out of pocket."

"I've been agonizing over this. Not sleeping, not eating I completely forgot my godson's 40th birthday."

"I was state-raised! You think I'm scared to catch a case... of some bullshit?!"

"You know, there's a couple of beers back at the office with our names on them... because when I put it back in the fridge, I put our names on them."

"She doesn't have your savvy or your ruthlessness, Richard. Hell, she has to wear earplugs on hikes because the forest is too loud."

"Oh my God. Gwart, do you remember how I-I told you I found my birth father in that militia in the Ozarks, but... then it turned out that guy was a fraud? Well, um, I just went in for some genetic testing to-to confirm my diagnosis of Marfan syndrome, and it turns out that my real parents are alive. And they live in Santa Cruz. And they're still together. What should I do? Should I visit them?"

"(to Gwart) what time is it? One large artichoke, extra rare, cup of mayonnaise. I see you still take your snack at 3:17."

"Oh, I was the sloppy girl in the discotheque, just twirling and twirling like the night would never end."

"Nice place."

"Yeah."