"Is that beer? No, you're not drinking that piss. We drink my piss! Tres Comas!"

"Do you swear? Because one time, I threw a party and David Copperfield said it was beat. Promise me that this will not be beat."

"Guys, nobody's eating the peyote. Will you eat the peyote, and then that'll break the ice and they'll eat the peyote?"

"You think the f*ckin' AG is gonna wanna let the public see that he didn't prosecute a guy who did this? Or this? Or this? Jesus, look at that. f*ck me! Yeah. So is this. This. Here's portrait mode. There's a panoramic in here somewhere."

"I want to know what kind of fucked-up childhood this guy had."

""Forbes" has taken me off their billionaire's list. Instead, they'll probably put me on their close-but-no-cigar list, which is ironic because I smoke a fuck ton of cigars. Why the fuck do I buy so many cigars? I remember the second I became a billionaire. I was ass-naked sitting right there, just clicking and refreshing, clicking and refreshing, watching my stock rise. And when it happened, I popped a rod so fast, I went blind for a full minute. Nutted all over those cushions."

"Anyway, next thing you know, we IPO, stock triples in a day and AOL gobbles us up. All of a sudden, I'm 22 years young and I'm worth 1.2 billion. Now a couple decades later, I'm worth 1.4. You do the math."

"(Referring to Dinesh) Hey, what's up, al-Qaeda? No, I'm totally kidding. I'm diffusing the tension with humor."

"No, of course not. Seriously, though, no beheadings, all right?"

"Is that beer? No, you're not drinking that piss. We drink my piss! Tres Comas!"

"I lost so much f*cking money with those guys. I got rat-fucked. That's a pun. I made it all back though. Sweet investment in the hair transplant sector. What?"

"It's the trailer for my festival, RussFest. Three days of partying, sucking, and f*cking on a plot of land so far out even Nevada barely wants it."

"What? No, I It's for me. I bought this for myself to celebrate you guys helping me get back to a billion. That's why I came here, to show it to you. To say thank you. I'm not an asshole. No, I put it on after I parked."

""Forbes" has taken me off their billionaire's list. Instead, they'll probably put me on their close-but-no-cigar list, which is ironic because I smoke a fuck ton of cigars. Why the fuck do I buy so many cigars? I remember the second I became a billionaire. I was ass-naked sitting right there, just clicking and refreshing, clicking and refreshing, watching my stock rise. And when it happened, I popped a rod so fast, I went blind for a full minute. Nutted all over those cushions."

"Synergy, bitches. Know what that means?"

"Hologram question. You told AT&T that the hologram would be interactive, right? See, asshole? My hologram can 100% dry hump festival-goers from behind. If they ask for it. Hashtag woke."

"It's gonna be like Burning Man, except I'll make a fuckton of money. I literally love you, you spooky f*ck."

"I heard Belson gaped your a$#hole today and not in that fun way."

"I was such a fucking pussy when Bitcoin broke, Richard. If I had the balls, I'd have put every penny I had into that shit five years ago, watched it go up, up, up, up, up and then pulled out right before it all came crashing down again. I mean, Jesus, why didn't I do that? Fuck me! But then, it occurred to me: I own 36 fucking companies, Richard. If I make them all ICO, that's 36 bites at the apple. So I did it. Yup. You know, one of the things being in the three comma club has taught me, Richard, is it's not always about money. Sometimes, it's about wisdom. And did I lose a B? Close to it. Fuck! But I bet I gained two B in wisdom. Ha, ha, Richard, if I didn't love this crazy guy so much, I'd knock his fucking teeth out. Nah, nah, I didn't lose it all. I mean, one of them got shut down by the SEC. On a few, we got scammed. But some of them worked. One of them worked. Listen, all the coin I had from the ICO that worked was on a USB thumb drive. And my dumb fucking housekeeper threw out my jeans, 'cause they were ripped. Even though I paid more for the ripped ones. And the thumb drive was in the pocket, so. $300 million in crypto is buried out here, somewhere. But my boys will find it. If they wanna get paid, right?"

"It's fucking humiliating losing all your money. You think when I dropped below a billion I walked around telling everybody? Fuck no. You guys were the only ones who knew, and I actually thought about having you killed."

"But I watched your whole TechCrunch thing online, twice. That whole spazz thing you did was fucking priceless."

"Shit, no. I got three nannies suing me right now, one of them for no reason."

"I'm just gonna say it. This guy fucks. Am I right? 'Cause I'm looking at the rest of you guys, and this is the guy in the house doing all the fucking. Am I right? You know I'm right. This guy fucks."

"Hey, what's up, al-Qaeda? No, I'm totally kidding. I'm diffusing the tension with humor. No, of course not. Seriously, though, no beheadings, all right?"

"I had to sell my McLaren."

"Shit, no. I got three nannies suing me right now, one of them for no reason."

"Synergy, bitches. Know what that means?"

"I heard Belson gaped your a$#hole today and not in that fun way."

"Fuck you, Richard Hendricks. Fuck you right in your little asshole, and not in the beautiful way, like Grandpa and Pedro."

"Richard. I can tell, and as much as you want to be, you're not. It's like this. You're trying to date a woman, - but deep down in your heart you know you're gay. Deep in your soul, you know you would rather be plowing a dude! It could be any dude, as long as you really want to fuck him. It could be a a twink, a bear, an otter, a circuit queen, a chub, a pup, a gipster, a daddy chaser, a leather man, a ladyboy, a Donald Duck. Donald Duck's a gay guy who's been kicked out of the Navy. My grandfather just came out of the closet. Beautiful. Very inspiring."

"I think we need to talk about getting some shwaaaaaaaaag."

"Anyway, next thing you know, we IPO, stock triples in a day and AOL gobbles us up. All of a sudden, I'm 22 years young and I'm worth 1.2 billion. Now a couple decades later, I'm worth 1.4. You do the math."

"ROI. ROI. You know what that stands for? No. Radio on Internet."

"This guy fucks."

"ROI. ROI. You know what that stands for?"

"(points at Jared) This guy fucks."

"You see the chick in the racism car? I banged her in the famine truck."

"Crazy Town's gonna be there. So is Puddle of Mudd. You know Puddle of Mudd?"

"Guys, nobody's eating the peyote. Will you eat the peyote, and then that'll break the ice and they'll eat the peyote?"

"I lost so much f*cking money with those guys. I got rat-fucked. That's a pun. I made it all back though. Sweet investment in the hair transplant sector. What?"

"You see the chick in the racism car? I banged her in the famine truck."

"What's that? Yeah, it is."

"I'm out of the Three Comma Club. Functionally, I'm just like you. Jesus, fuck, that's depressing."

"But I watched your whole TechCrunch thing online, twice. That whole spazz thing you did (moaning, sputtering) That was fucking priceless."

"(Referring to Gilfoyle) I want to know what kind of fucked-up childhood this guy had."

"No. Radio on Internet."

"Crazy Town's gonna be there. So is Puddle of Mudd. You know Puddle of Mudd?"

"What's up, boy genius? You here fucking? Oh, yeah, I know that stupid dinner. Bunch of VC douchebags jerking each other off. Speaking of, I got this girl at the bar, I'm trying to take her up to the presidential suite before her fucking bridesmaids ruin the whole thing, but they're telling me it's booked. Who is it? Is it Gore? Fuck that guy."

"Who gives a fuck? That has doors that open like this. Not like this. Or like this. So it's all fucked."

"(Referring to Jared) I'm just gonna say it. This guy fucks. Am I right? 'Cause I'm looking at the rest of you guys, and this is the guy in the house doing all the fucking. Am I right? You know I'm right. This guy fucks."