"I think once you see the conference room suites though, you'll really fall in love. Well, I don't fall in love with rooms."

"It's unethical in the defense of ethics. Uh, unjust in the quest for justice. It's like stealing from your pimp to pay for your friend's appendectomy."

"You're not seriously thinking of going to Tibet? You're broke. How the fuck are you gonna pay for that? That's where you come in, my great friends. I figured we might pass the hat? Just give whatever you are comfortable with. I'll pay for it, whatever it costs. Well, it seems the smallest of us has the biggest heart. Thank you, young Jinathon. Business class? Premium economy. You fly one way. Don't you need a visa to go to China? Yes. I can call my uncle in Beijing. He's very corrupt. That sounded... ominous, but, gents, it's as I was saying: Where there's a will, there's a way... just not for you guys."

"Last night, when I was sitting out there by the smoldering husk of my palapa, so cruelly taken away from me... You burned it down yourself."

"Well, it definitely says "Hit her"."

"How does this compare to the typical board meeting?"

"Right, the one with the zombie script on it?"

"I think we need to talk about getting some shwaaaaaaaaag."

"Oh, hey, Gilfoyle. This is Mia. Are you gonna murder Dinesh? No. Bummer."

"Return on investment!"