"How long can we survive?\nWell, the Siege of Candia lasted 21 years.\nOh. Well, that's something.\nIt ended in 1669, when the Ottoman soldiers were infected with plague after being attacked with the liquid from the spleens and buboes of the dead.\nWhat's a bubo? \nPlague-infested lymph nodes.\nSo, they would, like, scoop them out and throw them at people?"

"My name is, uh, Nelson Bighetti, and I'm the President of Stamford. Stanford. \nYou graduates have a lot of responsibility. Finishing the important work of movements such as... "pound Met double zero", and "title icks". \nSo, I think I know, but-but why do they call you Big Head? \nOh, yeah, just, you know, boys being boys. Making fun of my, my big old dome. \nIt's not because your last name is Big-hetti?"

"Is this Windows Vista bad? It's not iPhone 4 bad, is it? Fuck. Don't tell me this is Zune bad."

"The guy has calf implants, Richard."