"I've left tech for good. Now, I have a chance to do something important. Write a thinly veiled roman ? clef set in a whale-themed B and B."

"I'm pretty sure you did, actually. You texted it to me last night, see?"

"(referring to Laurie) Well, she's just a hater, and, no disrespect, but she can eat sh1t. \n\n Yeah, obviously."

"What?"

"Just the fact that we're still calling them Sliceline guys and Optimoji guys is sending up all sorts of red flags. And I don't even mean the word "guys," which I just learned is a micro-aggression."

"It's gonna be like Burning Man, except I'll make a fuckton of money. I literally love you, you spooky f*ck."

"What, like Julia Roberts from "My Best Friend's Wedding"?"