"I've been agonizing over this. Not sleeping, not eating I completely forgot my godson's 40th birthday."

"He looks like a child in a custody hearing. But, like, you don't feel sorry for him. You just want him to go away and not have any parents at all."

"Wrong! It's because she could kick their ass, and they knew it."

"You did great, Champ, but here's the bottom line. We gotta cool our sh1t down with this guy before he lawyers up and sues us a new hiney-hole. You need to go talk to Ethan and give him a sincere and honest apology. Without admitting any fault or describing what happened in any way."

"Well, to be fair, I never would've scheduled trust falls. I mean, you do one of those, you're so jacked up on adrenaline, the rest of the day is basically shot. We were gonna have a noncompetitive talent show with no losers."

"Jokes, Richard! I'm just joking around. What, did you sell your sense of humor? You've just been out for about six hours. You were not even unconscious, really just asleep. But you did lose a whole lot of blood. I just hope they put the right kind back in."

"You looked at these people and you said, "I may not be an inspiring speaker. I may be twitchy, and I might be strange, and I might vomit and I might defecate in my pants and I might throw myself through a window. But I believe in this company so much, I'll work so hard, I'll literally risk my life for it.""

"The irony is, the Internet, which we all use to search for billions of things, has itself long been searching for something. And here it is. Okay, then I turn and gesture. The Box Three. Signature Edition."

"Well, I have marked available bathrooms along the route."

"That's ironic, huh? No, for real, I'm asking. Is it?"

"I'm just gonna say it. This guy fucks. Am I right? 'Cause I'm looking at the rest of you guys, and this is the guy in the house doing all the fucking. Am I right? You know I'm right. This guy fucks."