"Yeah, I wanna be a lot perverted."

"How long can we survive?\nWell, the Siege of Candia lasted 21 years.\nOh. Well, that's something.\nIt ended in 1669, when the Ottoman soldiers were infected with plague after being attacked with the liquid from the spleens and buboes of the dead.\nWhat's a bubo? \nPlague-infested lymph nodes.\nSo, they would, like, scoop them out and throw them at people?"

"Oh my God. Gwart, do you remember how I-I told you I found my birth father in that militia in the Ozarks, but... then it turned out that guy was a fraud? Well, um, I just went in for some genetic testing to-to confirm my diagnosis of Marfan syndrome, and it turns out that my real parents are alive. And they live in Santa Cruz. And they're still together. What should I do? Should I visit them?"

"This is a video of maximizing alphaness."

"What we saw was a very oily man in mid-sentence dip down, vomit, and then thrust himself violently face first into a glass wall. But I guess it's a lot less embarrassing the way you explain it."

"Don't flip out, okay? But you have been in a coma for four years."

"Of the closet?"

"I mean, who here has a smartphone, right? You, you, me, Jian-Yang, Dinesh, Monica... Richard, you don't have to name everyone you know."

"If there's any greatness in any of you at all, now is the time to access it. Please don't disappoint me. Please, please, please don't disappoint me."