"...and Hooli, sir. Hooli also acknowledged some spectacular lapses."

"Want a drink? \nDon't you think it's a little early?\nIt's kombucha with ginseng and lemongrass, Richard. I'm not a fucking hobo."

"I was eight years old, I stole my friend Ali's jump rope and tied it to the back of a truck that drove away, and then I told him I had no idea what happened to it. And when he cried himself to sleep, I ate his British candy and told him God took it because he hated him.\nJesus!"

"I am so glad we could do this."

"Richard, congratulations. It's your very close friend Jian-Yang, and I would like you to give me free shares of Pied Piper.\nOkay, Jian-Yang. Uh... Well, you had plenty of opportunity to invest. Still do. \nYeah, you can buy Pipercoin. \nMonica, two men are talking business. You can find your broom and fly away."

"Your entire life has prepared you to publicly fail. You're just failing to see that right now. \nDon't insult me. I can fail circles around you losers."

"Effective immediately, I am shutting down Pied Piper, deleting its code repositories, and liquidating its remaining assets. All right. \nThat's our statement. We will not be taking any further... \nCan I just say that I am just... truly, deeply sorry. Uh, this should never have been built. It is... technically flawed to its very core. And we should all remember that... forevermore. Sorry.\nObviously, Mr. Hendricks doesn't mean that in any legally binding or actionable way. Get a life, guys."

"Jared, uh, you wanted me to unite the teams and I have. They are united against me."

"Gilfoyle, you are racist. And Richard... you are ugly. The Errich administration is over."

"You know, you could be a a twink. A bear, an otter. A circuit queen, a chub, a pup. A gipster, a daddy chaser, a leatherman, a lady boy. You could be a Donald Duck, which is a gay guy who got kicked out of the Navy."

"Nice place."

"Gilfoyle, please don't tell me that you hacked into EndFrame's system."

"Did I just hit a deer? No, goddamn it! Fucking Stanford Robotics."