"Want a drink? \nDon't you think it's a little early?\nIt's kombucha with ginseng and lemongrass, Richard. I'm not a fucking hobo."

"Editors are for people who can't write correctly the first time. We'll self-publish."

"That guy humiliating you was not good for the company. He dominated you like a silverback gorilla. Do you know why the gorillas respected Jane Goodall?"

"Hologram question. You told AT&T that the hologram would be interactive, right? \n\n Yes. \n\n See, asshole? My hologram can 100% dry hump festival-goers from behind. If they ask for it. Hashtag woke."

"You said that this would be an hour. \nWell, we're just running a little over. \nYeah, with the lights, and the machines, and the sound equipment, how is this ever gonna be an hour? \nYou're acting hysterical, all right? We'll have plenty of time to write this... \nYeah, you know what? You know what? Do your... your little interview. I'll just write the book myself, okay? \nWell, if you could you would, but you can't. You're stuck with me, and I'm stuck with you. \nWhoa, whoa, whoa... That's what Florian says to Claudette outside the cheese cave! \nOh my God! That's our third act! \nThird act! \nYes! Okay, go, put the kettle on."

"Who can say that they literally saved the world? Right? \nNot us. Because we can't tell anyone what we did. \nRight. Not out loud, but..."

"He was in the Serengeti on safari and he had just gone into his tent when a hippo wandered into the camp. No, I guess the hippo started to charge when the guide grabbed his rifle and shot at it, but his aim was off, and... No, he he missed, but I guess the sound of the gun startled Peter, who ran out of his tent and... No, the hippo was also startled by the noise and had run off prior to Peter exiting his tent. He hadn't run in a long time, maybe ever, and you know, he just... that was it."

"Hit her. I don't get it. Are you talking about me?"

"But couldn't you just show them a picture of these animals? A simple Hooli search would yield thousands of choices."

"Richard, I will expect you off the premises by end of day. Monica."

"Anyway, next thing you know, we IPO, stock triples in a day and AOL gobbles us up. All of a sudden, I'm 22 years young and I'm worth 1.2 billion. Now a couple decades later, I'm worth 1.4. You do the math."